QuantOm ॐ Dreaming

Native American Woman

Born into a Native American plains tribe I live among a people who live close to the earth. There is nothing about this lifetime that isn't as you might expect it to be. I live with an extended family in a teepee. We move about as necessary. We are well organized and relatively peaceful. When I grow into womanhood a young man catches my eye and we wed, dedicating our lives together as our parents have and their parents have for generations upon generations.

Late spring I discover that I am pregnant and I tell my husband who is overjoyed. We are very much in love and very happy to be starting a family. Six or so months pass uneventfully but then something happens that causes my husband to be called on a journey. I think it has something to do with his parents who live in a neighboring tribe. It will be a long journey and I insist on going with him, so we bundle our belongings together and prepare to depart. Weeks of travel drag on and I begin to bleed. I don't want to raise alarm, so I don't say anything to my husband, but I am growing weaker. The snow flies and I can no longer keep warm or keep up. We stop our travel and set up camp hoping that I will regain my strength and we can go on, but I die instead.

My husband is forlorn and lost; absolutely beside himself with grief and sadness – and he is angry with me for allowing myself to die dashing his hopes in the process. He has to dig into the ice and snow in order to bury my body and it's a terrible task that takes all of his strength and energy. I'm watching this from nearby, out of body and completely aware that I have died, but I don't want to leave my husband and I want to console him -- but to no avail.

I stay with this man for his entire life, as a spirit, always nearby. I follow him on his quests. I celebrate his marriages and his many children and grandchildren. He grieves for me to the end of his days, and I am there when he dies as well. Over the years he has taken on resentment to the fact that I died and left him behind, so there is a sense of anger smoldering away. Finally, he is old and laying on a heap of blankets, dying after a long and reasonably successful life. As he takes his last breath, I am there to help him and together we go into the light.

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This has been a very important lesson for me to learn; don't be overly concerned with other people's processes. Although it might appear that their struggle or outlook on life may have something to do with you - and they might convince themselves that you are in some way to 'blame'  - it is in fact still their own lesson to be learned. Be cautious about stepping into the whirlwind of another person's self-centered version of reality.